WHAT IF I find my birth mother … THEN WHAT?

Many people have been asking us this very question. It’s a good question and definitely one that deserves attention.

While we know the chances could be slim that we find my birth mother, we do feel we owe the responsibility to all parties involved to have a plan of action.

It’s very hard to outline details for a hypothetical situation that has so many unknown variables, but amongst all the unknowns, this much we can say:

1) It is very much my/our wish to build a relationship with her, if she so desires.
2) We are very sensitive to the fact that expectations for caring for family are different in Vietnam. We would want to honor her expectations as best we can within our own familial and financial means.

Does this sound a bit idealistic and simplistic? Perhaps. I just know that my motivation in finding my birth mother does not consist solely of gaining the answers I seek and then exiting her life as quickly as I entered it. I want a relationship with her. I want to learn about her life. I want to know about my heritage. My culture. My country. I don’t have all the answers and should I be so fortunate to be able to find her, there is no doubt in my mind that many questions will arise from both of us and new expectations may be born that can or cannot be met. But I am aware of the cultural differences and I am aware of the enormity of emotion that this would create for her as well. I am not going into this emotionally-loaded situation lightly, but with all awareness and willingness to grow with the situation as circumstances present themselves.

This is an incredibly emotional journey, of which I do not have all the answers. Part of the great aspect of this whole journey is the ability to grow…. So, please – if anyone has thoughts, comments, questions, and/or debates about anything you read/see here, I’d really love to hear them.

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